Difficult conversations: how to discuss what matters most

Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, Roger Fisher9780140288520, 014028852X

Members of the Harvard Negotiation Project–which brought you the mega-bestseller Getting to YES –show you how to handle your most difficult conversations with confidence and skill. Whether you’re dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying “no,” or “I’m sorry,” or “I love you,” we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. You will learn: how to start the conversation without defensiveness why what is not said is as important as what is ways of keeping and regaining your balance in the face of attacks and accusations how to decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations will help you on the job, at home, or out in the world. It is a book you will turn to again and again for advice, practical skills, and reassurance. “Does this book deliver on [its] promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether ‘with your baby sitter or your biggest client’? It does.”– The New York Times “These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice.”– Booklist “Brilliant. . . . I’ve already re-read most of it. I’m using it. What more could a reader ask?”– Tom Peters “Emotional Intelligence applied to life’s tough moments.”– Daniel Goleman

Amazon.com Review We’ve all been there: We know we must confront a coworker, store clerk, or friend about some especially sticky situation–and we know the encounter will be uncomfortable. So we repeatedly mull it over until we can no longer put it off, and then finally stumble through the confrontation. Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers advice for handling these unpleasant exchanges in a manner that accomplishes their objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt. The authors, associated with Harvard Law School and the Harvard Project on Negotiation, show how such dialogues actually comprise three separate components: the “what happened” conversation (verbalizing what we believe really was said and done), the “feelings” conversation (communicating and acknowledging each party’s emotional impact), and the “identity” conversation (expressing the situation’s underlying personal meaning). The explanations and suggested improvements are, admittedly, somewhat complicated. And they certainly don’t guarantee positive results. But if you honestly are interested in elevating your communication skills, this book will walk you through both mistakes and remedies in a way that will boost your confidence when such unavoidable clashes arise. –Howard Rothman